Sexual Abuse, Assault, and Rape Awareness
Sexual Abuse Survivor #1
As far back as I can remember there was trauma and violence in my life. Dad drank, dad would cuss and yell, when things got worse it became physical with my mom and brother being beaten. I seem to recall at least once a week for most of my life there were beatings that my mom or brother endured and I witnessed. I recall vividly even today after all those years have past me being woke up to screaming and fighting and crying out to the top of my lungs to stop it, you're upsetting me, etc.
Then at the tender age of 9 I started "budding" and was molested by a cousin in TN. I never told a single person about it for fear of what my dad would do. I held this in and lived with the secret the rest of my life until I was raped in 2004.
When I was 15 I got my first real relationship experience. It was physically abusive. If I came home from school with a note from my best friend and didn't let him read it I was backhanded across the face and accused of cheating. Looking back now I was a fool to deal with the abuse but that is how I was raised up abuse equaled love.
In 2001 I became involved off and on with a man I met on line. Another abusive relationship. He was in to a lot of illegal activities. This man put a loaded gun to my head, tried to "pimp me out", you name it I endured it with him but again I was raised that abuse equaled love. I finally found the strength and courage I needed to walk away from him and the relationship.
On Feb 14 2004 I was drugged, severely beaten, and raped by someone I had known for 11 yrs. I had foolishly let some friends convince me to get back out and start enjoying life again after my last relationship had ended. I agreed to go and never had any doubt in my mind I would return to the safety of my own home and my own bed that night. I foolishly went to the restroom and left my drink sitting on the table. A short time after returning I felt weird and told my friends I needed one of them to call my mom and get her to come get me and take me to the ER. The one who had slipped the drugs in my drink told all the others I had been drinking mixed drinks all night and not just plain soda. I guess they didn't really know me that well at all because I never drink liquor. He convinced them I had just had to much to drink and he would get me home safely because it was on his way to his next stop. I woke up several hours later (the next morning) in the bunk of his rig bruised and battered from the knees up, bleeding, etc. I got myself dressed, went in the truck stop ( a mile up the road from my house) told the cashier to call the cops and call my step daughter. I stayed hidden from my mother for weeks until the bruises faded, the bones healed enough to no longer need pain medications. Yes I pursued legal charges and went through a trial only to be told by the judge that "some women like it rough." The cops the morning of the rape at the hospital were no better asking me if I had said or done anything he could have taken the wrong way. How I was dressed, etc. No wonder rape victims never report it. The system is set up to victimize you all over again. After this event I was diagnosed with PTSD.
As you can tell I have endured and witnessed every type of abuse there is. I decided to share my story with others in the hopes that reading my story might save another person from going through any of this. It is my hope that anyone reading my story will see the warning signs, before abuse begins, and get out before it leaves life long damage.
Love is not meant to be shown by pain, whether it be physical or emotional pain. True love makes the sad feel happy again, the scared trust again, the weary find hope again, the tired of living look towards the future again. It is my wish that every person who reads this story find that happiness and experiences the meaning of true love at least once in their lifetime.
If you have already been a victim, keep in mind you are not alone and tell your story to others. Sharing your story will help you feel better as well as hopefully helping someone else. We all begin as a victim but we all have to strive daily to reach the status of Survivor. Personally for me sharing my story reminds me I am a survivor and lets me know that yes the things in my life were bad but I'm still winning back my life daily and these things and the people that done these things are losing more control over my life daily.