Our Survival


Our Survival
-Christian and I



I wrote this for my son, Christian. He was molested 4 or 5 times as a toddler (between 15-18 months old). Christian is now 6 years old and the most gracious little man, the sparkle and flame for life I see in his eyes keeps the hope alive in me.

I was also molested as a child. For me, there was no pain, hard to explain, I just never got mad about it. I feel, right now, Christians pain has set my own pain free, by that I mean I am able to feel my own pain because I am hurting for him.

In the beginning Jeremy was the ideal ‘father’ figure for Christian. I was 16 and pregnant, in foster care, and completely alone. Jeremy was the type that never cussed, smoked, drank and he went to church 3 times a week, 4 if you count bible study.

The minute we were married is when the abuse started. At first, it was just what clothes I wore, what words I used, and the music I listened to. Later it turned into choking me, dragging me down the hall while I was pregnant with my second child over a Stephen king tape he found in the truck, and running his car into mine while I was backing out.

When I finally got the nerve to leave him, he broke into the house and raped me while I was sleeping (I am a very heavy sleeper). He also told me that he had a rope and was going to hang himself if I did not come back (he said that because my dad hung himself when I was 11). Finally, he married my caseworker in hopes that it would make me jealous; when he saw that I was happy for him he divorced her.

But, I am an adult and can emotionally handle whatever he wanted to throw my way. My son on the other hand, is not. My child should never have had to suffer for my lack of judgment. I wrote this poem hoping to capture my anger and grief for him. I love my baby, and hopefully one day I will be able to forgive myself for not knowing.


I also wrote a poem for my son Christian.
To view it click Here



















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